5 Reasons The French are the Best at Making Electronic Music

23 Feb

Did you ever notice that no matter how good you are at something, there is always someone who can do it a million times better ? I’m sure the answer is probably yes, but don’t worry because some factors are out of one’s control. Simply put, the French are like the Michael Jordan of electronic music, and no one has a chance against them.

Here are five reasons the French are the best at making electronic music.

#5. Smoking

I’m sure you’re thinking how the hell does smoking relate to electronic music? Sure, research has shown that smoking is extremely harmful to the body, but to the French it serves as a gateway to making good electronic music. Much like the foggy allure of a densely packed Euro dance club, the thousands of cigarettes smoked daily by French electronic producers helps to keep their mind in a place of buzzing, chirps, and other rhythmic atmosphere noises similar to the music they hold so dear.

Smoking is good for you, trust me I’m French

This is what separates French electronic producers from other ones. Right from the beginning, French producers realized the benefits smoking had on their electronic music. While electronic producers from other countries might smoke, they lack the special connection between the cigarette, that the French have obtained. As a result, it has taken French electronic producers to another level, which was impossible to imagine beforehand. While other producers just see cigarettes as a rolled up piece of paper filled with tobacco, the French see it as a helpful tool in their music making. It’s true that smoking kills millions of people every year, but on the other hand, it allows the French to produce beautiful electronic music.

#4. The Cheese

If there’s one thing that the French take serious, it’s their food. Talking bad about their food in France is a guaranteed way to getting your ass kicked there (Okay I’m exaggerating a little, they’ll only break one of your arms). The cheese in France is also no exception to this rule. The French are born with a specific palate towards the different kinds of cheeses. Even the damn rats there know the difference between good and bad cheese. In turn, this creates an advantage for French electronic producers. Having a strong palate towards cheeses, heightens the other senses for French producers. This is crucial because the most important sense for musicians is the ability to hear. It’s true that people outside of France can obtain cheese, but they were not predisposed to it since birth. As a result, the cheese will not have any effect on their music making process. That’s why you’ll often hear of French electronic producers eating cheese before making music or playing in front of a crowd. Therefore, it allows them to differentiate between each sound and adjust accordingly to create a perfect melody.

In the video below you can see what happens, when a foolish interviewer gives the French electronic duo Justice, fake cheese.

#3. Location

For those of you who are not so familiar with European geography, France is surrounded by several countries such as Germany and Switzerland. During World War II, a majority of France fell into the hands of Germany, and were not liberated until 1944. Because of these events, there is still some paranoia surrounding the Germans, in France. In other words, The French fully expect another world-war offensive from the Germans at any and all times. As a direct result, every man/woman/and child is near-devoutly well versed in the language of Morse code by elementary school. This succession of beats used as an essence for communication is a “security blanket” for the French. Because of the emphasis  put on learning morse code, it allows the French to pound sick beats on a fairly regularly basis. Another added benefit is that it allows French producers to communicate with one another, no matter where they are.

Good thing I brought an extra pair of pants….

Another country that influences France to continually produce high quality electronic music is England. One of the most influential bands, The Beatles, spawned the hysteria known as Beatlemania. Out of pure spite toward the wild success of Beatlemania, the French were determined to crush the spread of British music. Unfortunately, speaking French, they mistook the phenomenon for beat-mania. However, this misinterpretation has pushed French producers to stay ahead of their fellow European counterparts.

#2. They’re French

It’s no surprise that genetics plays a large role in what gives the French an upper hand in electronic music. Now you’re probably wondering how does genetics relate to making electronic music ? Well, the answer is that every French person is born with a unique “music” gene that gives them this special ability. It gives French people the ability to create sounds that otherwise, would be impossible to compose. While every person carries this gene, it does not go into effect until the person tries their hand in making electronic music. As a result, once the person has discovered this gene, it’s basically up to them on what they want to do with it. However, legend goes there was one known person who was destined for electronic greatness, but decided to use his ability for evil purposes.

“He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named”

This gene creates a major hurdle for electronic producers who are not French. For this reason, people are desperately trying to clone the gene but to much avail, it has miserably failed. Some have even acquired a French name in an attempt to gain an edge, such as in the case of  Brett Ewels. After deciding to make French house music, Brett went under the pseudonym, Louis La Roche. With a name like ‘Louis La Roche’, what else can you possibly exceed at?

#1. Daft Punk

Even if you are not familiar with electronic music, the name Daft Punk should ring a bell (If not then you’re either Patrick from Spongebob, or Justin Beiber took your soul). Daft Punk are the gods of electronic music, who consist of Guy-Manuel de Homem-Christo and Thomas Bangalter. They spawned numerous hits such as ‘Digital Love‘ and ‘One More Time‘. They also won two Grammy Awards in 2009 for their live album, Alive 2007. Daft Punk are known for their robot costumes and private life. Are Daft Punk really human ? I guess the world will never know.

Daft Punk > Nutella (yes, i’m serious )

Daft Punk is also known for waiting long periods of time before releasing an album. Proof of this, is that their last album ‘Discovery’ was released in 2005. However, every time they do release an album it’s monumental to say the least. To get a better understanding, it’s kind of like comparing their albums to Daniel Day Lewis. Daniel Day Lewis is known for his selective choice of films, but whenever he decides to appear in a movie, no other actor stands a chance. Fortunately, Daft Punk is currently working on a new album in a secret location, which is unknown to human civilization.

Daft Punk alone is enough of a reason to see why the French are the best at making electronic music. What other country can boast about spawning such an influential electronic group ?

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